Writing and cooking often Good food for a good mood Lots of writing for peace of mind RYT200 Vinyasa 〰️ Sydney
Writing and cooking often Good food for a good mood Lots of writing for peace of mind RYT200 Vinyasa 〰️ Sydney
There are things I love like dumplings, steamed buns and anything pumpkin and then there are things I could definitely do without. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Like horse racing. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m not a fan of anything that involves animal exploitation and this is why I decided to go vegan about six years ago and haven’t looked back. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The Melbourne Cup is approaching and the cool people over at @bodhirestaurantbar (my most favourite vegan restaurant in Sydney ) are hosting an event called Nup the Cup on the 5th of November in support of Horse Rescue Australia. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You can get tickets over on their website which includes a delicious yum cha set menu with those little pumpkin parcels which were a 10/10. I’ll be there dressed to the nines BECAUSE WHY NOT 💅🏼, and I’ll try not to eat your portion of food but I make no promises. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Come join a cool event and meet cool people and eat good good food for a great cause! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ They have mango pancakes! You can’t say no to those! But you CAN say Nup to the Cup! Hehe 🌈
The most surprising and least surprising thing about a breakup is that you survive it. It’s the most surprising when you’re lying on the kitchen floor wondering if anything has ever felt this excruciating even though you swore you’d never be one of those people. But there I was, one of those people, maybe even more sad and bitter, who knows. I called my friend or he called me and I think in between crying and gasping for air I told him I didn’t think there was anything left to live for and I can’t help but laugh. He must’ve laughed too because now it’s the least surprising thing about a breakup. I was always going to pick myself up, take a deep breath and realize, even though I looked like shit, that there were about a million things to live for on that Tuesday alone. Through my breakup I learned that no one is holding me back but myself and I sometimes fantasize about learning this in my relationship, but the reality is that I didn’t. I had to completely fall apart first, feel broken second and then rebuild myself third. Like a puzzle, it’s all there it’s just tricky sometimes. What I found through the rebuilding is that love stays but it changes. I’m so fortunate to have been so closely intertwined to such a wonderful person, so this is the other thing that caught me by surprise. I didn’t want to get over it and once I stopped fighting the feelings and thoughts that always seemed so randomly timed, I felt myself getting lighter. I started thinking of my relationship as complete. It wasn’t a failure, we had simply exchanged everything that needed to be exchanged and therefore it was done. I congratulate myself on my breakup and anyone else who has been through one they didn’t think they’d survive. It takes a lot of courage, self-respect and love to come out the other side a better and softer person who hasn’t so easily given in to cynicism. I’d also like to congratulate everyone who got over the fear of saying goodbye in order to free yourself and your partner up for brighter and better things. The least surprising thing is that you’ll survive, the most surprising thing is all the goodies that lie in store for you. 📷: @werenotreallystrangers
From whom did you learn to feel good? Who taught you the limits of your own pleasure? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Following a feel-good feeling becomes complicated when you think there is only so much you deserve. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Who was around you? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Who did you watch make the time to create something that felt a little more sacred just for the hell of it. Who did you watch slice a piece of cake and eat it like the thing itself was the epitome of joy and you could feel the tingling sweetness just from looking, but of course, to be sure, you’d take a piece yourself. Who did you watch dance and laugh in the living room, moving in a way that could only mean yes. Yes to all of it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Who showed you poetry, the good films, the loud music. Who made the time to leave the house, pack the car, breathe in the crispness at the top of a mountain and make you feel like you could’ve been the mountain too. Stunning. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sometimes a mother, a friend, a teacher. Other times, it’s yourself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I rummaged for bits and pieces, here and there. My mother driving us to the beach even when we had very little to spend. The closing lesson in my second yoga class that opened up the doors to an exploration of this body. My friend, with all her plants in the bathtub. My housemate lighting up a candle. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If not this life then when? If not right now then when? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I learned from those around me and then was wise enough to know I deserved more. In this lifetime. Right now. ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ May no one place limits on our capacity to seek and experience pleasure. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Asking myself this question, I begin to understand why I sometimes feel guilty, underservant, shameful. I also see how many of the people around me were doing things that required extra effort just to make an experience a tiny bit more special and that warms my heart. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So, from whom did you learn to feel good? Is there any memory of someone putting in the extra effort just to make the moment more special and enjoyable? I’d love to know! 🍬
If at some point I needed to hear it, then I’ll write and share about it now. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I get a bit of backlash when I talk openly about sex, female pleasure, abortion, depression, and anything taboo that shouldn’t be. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ At times I wonder if I’ve overshared and maybe I have but my purpose is always the same. I’m not interested in sharing for the sake of sharing, I aim to always add value or at least curiosity towards a new idea or way of doing something. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We live in an age of extreme parasitism; everyone and everything wants something from you and it can be extremely difficult to discern, detach and focus on what is supporting you positively. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ve always been very picky about who I follow and what I consume and this is the trick when it comes to having a healthy, interesting and educational relationship with social media. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Just like you would tidy up your room, you should clear out the space in your mind taken up by useless noise. The GREAT thing is that YOU get to decide what is useless chatter, and what isn’t. You get to follow what inspires you on this app and unfollow what deflates you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Everything is neutral until we place some sort of morale or emotion or idea to it. Instagram is therefore neutral, it’s simply a tool and it’s your responsibility to use it in a way that adds to your experience. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If at some point I needed to hear it, then I’ll write and share about it now and what a privilege that is. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What a privilege that I get to follow people who do the same. I get to read and interact with someone on the other side of the world, experiencing life in a different way and therefore I can feed off that and create a more well-rounded life for myself. Or, we might be experiencing life quite similarly and therefore feel less alone. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ I don’t want new index finger strength, I want story, experience, new ideas, new ways of looking at the same thing. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you needed to hear it at some point, then maybe you can consider writing about it and maybe in this way we can create a more human, more well-rounded experience on social media.
A question I’ve been asking myself lately: ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Is what I’m about to say or do going to bring me peace? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sticking to something for 40 days is exciting until everything and everyone gets in the way. Maybe somedays you do need the extra rest but I think what most of us need is a gentle yet firm kick in the ass because 2, 3 or 5 minutes of meditation (or whichever habit you’ve decided on ) is almost always possible. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Self love is a form of self respect and self respect is created through discipline. Discipline is a word that scares many because it feels too strict, almost like it goes against the free flow that life is meant to be. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But even a yoga practice requires discipline and boundaries. It requires making the time and showing up regardless of how you feel because you know it will benefit your future self. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When I shared that I sometimes get confused with whether I’m doing something because of necessary self-care or whether I’m doing it out of pure laziness many of you could relate. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I think this question might often help. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Self care isn’t always a feel good process. In fact, most of self care isn’t. Doing your taxes on time to avoid future worry doesn’t feel like a candle lit bubble bath. Going to therapy doesn’t feel like a facemask. Going for a run when it’s cold and you’d rather stay in bed doesn’t feel like the love you’d imagined. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But if you can decipher whether the end result will contribute to your peace, then maybe it’s worth doing anyway. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Also this is my friends dog. I’m sure he’d be proud you got up and did the damn thing you’ve been meaning to do. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Lovu 💝 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ PS. these captions are usually a conversation with myself for myself as well as I FIND DISCIPLINE TO BE SO DAMN HARD OK. I HAVE NOTHING FIGURED OUT. ONLY THE PERFECT BUCKWHEAT PORRIDGE. THAT’S IT.
There’s this guy I text and he was in my dream last night. In my dream he helps me pack my bags so I don’t miss my flight back home. Back home is a mesh of many places and at the airport there are three men, from different timelines, waving me goodbye. That will probably be the first and last time I see them in the very same place. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I don’t often remember my dreams and I’ve slept for many weeks with a notebook and a pen by my side with the ending of a strange world at the edge of my mind only for it to evaporate before I have time to turn on the lights. I’m so eager to forget in the most useless of moments. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ An untamed habit is the meaning of a bear in a dream. The meaning of anything in a dream is less mysterious when I think of a man taking tallies, but the recollection of a particular dream is far more mysterious when I’m so lousy at remembering. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For three weeks straight I slept through a version of the same story. Sometimes in the backseat of the car he’d look at me through the rearview mirror and I’d get the sense I had lived this before. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In this nighttime conversation with myself I’d wonder when I became so cruel, or, worse, when I became so creatively dull that my brain perpetually latches on to the most familiar face in the last many years as if there is nothing else to build from. It’s quite frankly, offensive. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I can think of last night and the night before. I can think of all the new faces I’ve seen in this day alone. I can count many interesting thoughts I wouldn’t mind going over again and a few jokes that could still make me laugh. Most everything makes me laugh. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There’s this guy I text and in my dream he told me I wouldn’t be late. He ran with me up and down the stairs of a house I didn’t recognize and from my closet he pulled out the many things I left in Costa Rica a couple of years ago. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ He carefully folded my brown, high waisted jeans, my white overalls and the stripy shirt I wore so many times I thought I wouldn’t miss. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I was wrong.
Last year I fell about a dozen times. I fell in pretty places, dark places and the usual places. Apart from having to face the fact that maybe this was the ultimate sign that I needed to get my ass back onto my meditation seat after such a mentally and emotionally turbulent year, I was also faced with the scarier fact that sitting down was probably the only form of meditation I’d be doing for a while. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Before I twisted both my ankles in separate occasions but in very similar, swollen, and purple ways, I relied heavily on movement to quiet my mind. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ At the beginning of this year I was at one of my lowest points and I couldn’t move my way through it, literally, which brought me to the realization that no matter how good the habit is, if it feels like a crutch, it must be a crutch. The tricky thing is you probably won’t know until you are forced to go without it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Rituals and routines provide me space and ease that allow me to work and flow more efficiently but since January I’ve been thinking of these a little bit differently. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Every now and again I shed it all which is quite in line with my current read, Walden. I’ve been truly inspired to simplify in every way possible from the food I eat, to the movement I do daily, to the way I work and plan, to the way I implement routine and new habits. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ To be able to do it all, the ritual, the yoga, the journaling and then to be able to release it all. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It’s fucking hard and it doesn’t only apply to these healthy habits either. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I still don’t know how to feel at peace without controlling many aspects of my life and maybe that’s fine too, but I have an inkling that all it takes is a bit more digging through layers of what I think everything ought to look like and be like. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It’s all a mind game after all which is a notion that equally relieves me and terrifies me. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I still heavily rely on routine for ease and comfort but every so often I remind myself to simplify and release, to breathe and deeply know it’s all within. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is what a year of not running has taught me. You learn just as much from not doing sometimes.
I can’t heal a body I hate
Slow and sad is how I’d describe my taste. I made friends with the video store guy at the age of 13 who’d give me his most obscure recommendations. All of them perfectly long, dull and with subtitles. Perfect was also the timing of my sadness because it coincided with everyone on Tumblr glamorizing misery and making it cool. Later in life, even though I’d still naturally pick out the most heart wrenching song and book, I learned to also make room for happier writing and more upbeat tunes. This, however, came with unexpected shame. I’d read self-development and write affirmations in secret which is the exact same way I dealt with my chronic depression. In shame and in secret. Which brings me to the ever-confusing idea of identity and how strongly we hold on to it which can ultimately be detrimental. I’ve held on to sadness and this incessant need for deeper and darker because I always thought it was my identity whilst at the same time being embarrassed by having to cancel plans or excuse myself from social gatherings when I was depressed or anxious. A confusing identity which reinforced my true fear which was being anything other than neutral. Luckily, old people are right and the older you get the less you care about what others think and therefore the less attached you become to whatever identity you’ve given yourself but it’s still not easy. A couple of days ago I sat down to journal and realized that one of the biggest things that was stopping me from starting/finishing projects/ideas/dreams was what other people thought about the person I had to become to complete these. I then thought about how much I think of other people in that context and realized I don’t at all. Most everything is your own creation. Your attachment to your identity, what you think others will think, the reasons behind why you do what you do. And because of this very notion you can choose to create differently. Slowly I learn to embrace the many sides of me, let go of this all or nothing mentality that has ruled my life and take back the power I’ve unconsciously given to others. IT’S YOUR ONE LIFE BEFORE YOU BECOME A PEG IN YOUR NEXT LIFE, SO LIVE IT FULLY!
I’ll flick chia pudding in your eye if you tell me you have no time for breakfast 🍧 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I make mine with coconut cream, water, maca powder (such good flavour and supports your hormones! ) and either sweeten with a few dates, banana or protein powder if I have some on hand. I then leave it in the fridge overnight and top with whatever I can find in the morning. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m sure everyone on social media has told you to have chia pudding and it’s because we have no more recipes to share. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And chia pudding always looks cute in photo. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And it will keep you full. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And it travels well. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And you can have cold in the summer and warm in the winter. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And you can add cacao to it and make it super decadent and dessert like. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And chia seeds are a vegans best friend when baking. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And I read in Born to Run (good read! ) that the Tarahumara, who run ridiculous distances, drink Iskiate on their runs which is made with chia seeds! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ K bye. Or more so, Chiao. Hehe. ⚰️
Reduce it to the ridiculous. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The other day I shared on my Instagram story that meditating for 5 minutes was better than meditating for none. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Not just better, but smarter. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I see it all the time with myself and others. We wake up one morning feeling really good and inspired, write down everything we want to change about our current reality and then almost instantly feel overwhelmed. Or, we manage a few days of real good behavior and then can’t keep it up for whatever reason. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It’s not you, it’s your biology. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The brain hates change because the brain wants to keep homeostasis. Safety and energy conservation comes first and therefore we’re biologically wired to not want to change. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We must deliberately coax the brain into motivational, emotional and intrinsic reasons making the question WHY do I need to change more important than WHAT do I need to change. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Why do I want to eat healthy, exercise, meditate, read, write, paint etc. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ From there we can reduce it to the ridiculous. It’s not about intensity, it’s about consistency. Creating the space in your brain for that new habit you’re wanting to instill and reinforcing the fact that you can indeed do it is how you work with your biology. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Want to start a meditation practice? Start with one conscious breath right now. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Understanding that the feeling of fear and overwhelm when it comes to new endeavors, projects, and personal goals is NORMAL will move you into a space of action but it all starts with awareness of the feeling itself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What am I feeling, how do I want to feel and finally, what small, actionable step can I do right now to get me closer to that feeling. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What habits are disempowering me, what habits do I need to let go of and why, and what small, actionable step can I do right now to get me closer to where I want to be. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Breathe, become aware and you are in control my friend 🌈
At school we’d all sit under a tree after lunch. My head on a stomach, their head on a leg, my fingers in between strands of hair. We were always so closely intertwined. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In the 1990’s thousands of children in orphanages in Romania experienced touch deprivation due to a severe lack of staff. These children were physically and mentally stunted. They behaved like children with severe autism and showed signs of depression. Touch, on a physiological level, stimulates pressure receptors under the skin which carries signals to the vagus nerve which slows down the nervous system and lowers cortisol whilst increasing serotonin. The most fascinating part about touch, imo, is that an arm around your shoulder can feel physically different based on the social context and personal past experience because there are two pathways in the brain that process touch simultaneously, the sensory pathway and the social and emotional pathway. If a lack of touch in children made them unhealthy, a lack of touch as an adult might just do the same. How often do you wake up, with a loved one next to you, and touch your phone before you touch them? How often do you make time to actually see your friends and hug them hello rather than just send memes back and forth? How often do you lovingly touch yourself? Touch is healing, but sometimes before it’s healing it’s informative. It’s been proven that the body can hold on to trauma in a physical way, and therefore opening yourself up to being touched by someone else or even by yourself can be highly triggering. My point is, everything is inextricably linked, and as I reassure my friend that being highly emotional and sensitive has nothing to do with weakness, I see how we’re rapidly moving away from what it means to simply be human. To connect with yourself and others. To allow yourself to feel and be informed by these feelings. But more importantly, to avoid finding replacements where possible. Nothing can replace lying down under a tree feeling my head move every time my friend laughs and having to laugh myself even though I missed the joke. That to me is magic. Call your friend, plan a date, hug them.
Sometimes a glass of water, sometimes a piece of cake, sometimes a weekly budget and other times forgiveness. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Health looks different every day but the essence of it is the same - how can I make myself feel better? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For me, this has been the easiest way to approach wellbeing without it being stressful or confining. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When I ask myself how to feel better right now I am accepting my current situation and working from that place. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For the longest time I was solely focused on the food I was eating forgetting that there are other ways of consumption that don’t involve blending a green smoothie in the morning. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Accepting poor treatment from others. Constantly scrolling on social media. Ruminating on negative, self-critical thoughts. Holding on to grudges. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What you feed yourself day in and day out is much more than just food and health is much more than eating your daily greens. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This can either inspire you or overwhelm you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Personally, it has made me more relaxed about food, it has reinforced the importance of friendship and other relationships and inspired me to seek a spiritual practice that keeps me feeling connected and purposeful. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It has also proven, time and time again, how the simplest of things can bring big big pleasure. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Through bouts of depression and feelings of indifference and disconnect I ask myself, how could I feel better? Through episodes of anxiety and overwhelm I ask, how could I feel better? And when I’m hungover, regretting every decision I’ve ever made in my entire life and promising to never drink again, I ask, how could I feel better? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Sometimes a shower, sometimes a dance, sometimes a salad, other times a movie 🎂
If you can put it on toast, put it on toast 💅🏼 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is leftover pasta sauce (with TVP and butternut, it’s on the channel! ) that I freshened up with lots of parsley and sautéed mushrooms. Under that is avocado, of course. Under the avocado there is hummus, because it was making eyes at me in the fridge. And on top, sauerkraut, because what would be my life without it, I don’t want to know. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is me making toast fancy with all the unfancy things in my fridge. Healthy (and yummy ) eating can be quick and easy yo! I promise! Put bread in the freezer! Collect leftovers like a mad man! Eat weird combos that taste surprisingly good! No one will ever ask you for a bite! You win! 🏆
I think I post this every six months because it’s always relevant. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Feel and share is how I do things now. Not always, but often. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If I were my own friend, I’d like to know how I was doing and feeling. If I were my own friend, I’d want to see me be big and bold. If I were my own friend, I’d hope to never have to see me compromise myself for anything or anyone. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The old method was keeping everything tucked away. The new method is asking myself what I would want for my best friend and doing the same for myself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Get out of your head. Have big feelings. Laugh ugly, and cry wherever you feel like crying* ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What you’d want for the people you love the most is what you should want for yourself too. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ *I once cried at the gym during a zumba class. lel. You’re good.
I’m so certain you’re cute and doing great 🌈 #callmetonyrobbins
May your week be filled with the miraculous light that I found in this changing room (I KNOW, WHAT THE HELL! I SUDDENLY HAVE NOT A SINGLE PORE! ), a good hair day, and lots and lots of love. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And good food. And nice weather. Not too hot and not too cold. And a sense of purpose, that’s a good one. Maybe throw some sort of cute animal encounter in the mix, and a few minutes each day to reflect and recalibrate. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I hope that if you can, you reflect and recalibrate next to a real nice tree and make friends with a few birds and recognize how connected we all are and how crazy that you’ve made it thus far hehe. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But above all I hope you find the last two bobby pins you have been looking for so that you don’t get hair stuck in your eyes. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Anyway, from me to you, have a good one 💅🏼
I’m using this pink wall to talk about SEX again. A few studies have found that there is a big orgasm gap between cis men + women during hetero sex and I can’t help but wonder how that translates into our daily lives in a myriad of ways. No, it’s not always about the orgasm, but yes, it’s always about equal pleasure. Learning about the gap is important because learning about female pleasure is necessary. Conversation is needed to dismantle the sexual script that has been created by pornography, magazines and sex-ed at school (or lack there of ). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Most pornography privileges male pleasure. Cosmo is outlining 188 ways to pleasure your man. SexEd is showing you a penis whilst pretending the clitoris doesn’t exist because it’s “too explicit”. And then it’s about what your parents said and didn’t say about sex. It’s about what you see and don’t see in movies and sitcoms. It’s about the pink soap to make your vagina smell good and the bikini wax that costs a fortune because have you ever seen a single hair on a woman in an AD? It’s about never quite measuring up, always being confused about what’s deemed sexy and TOO sexy, and if the lights will be too bright when you take off your clothes in front of someone else. Pleasure is so closely linked to self-worth. In order to feel pleasure and desire, we have to own the wanting, we have to feel worthy of receiving, so a big problem is that a lot of us don’t even feel like we have autonomy over our bodies. I think a big part of the solution is integrating sex discussion into our daily conversations with friends and family. By doing so we’re not only learning about real unphotoshoped humans in real situations but we’re also scraping off that thick, disgusting, layer of shame and guilt that has no use there. Through dialogue we learn most everything is normal when it comes to our bodies and as the language becomes familiar and comfortable, the stretch to ask for what we want sexually becomes smaller. And when that becomes easier, we’ll be a force to be reckoned with because if we can ask for what we want in the bedroom, we can ask for what we want ANYWHERE I think 🌈
When was the last time you allowed yourself to feel bored for more than two minutes? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Boredom is the second most suppressed emotion after anger meaning that as soon as you have to wait in line or sit on the bus you’re reaching out for your phone. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When you’re bored and you let yourself daydream the way you used to at school, some areas of the brain become very active in autobiographical memory, theory of mind and self-referential processing. More simply put, you start reflecting on your place in the world, your interaction with others and how it all fits together. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is why a new idea lands so effortlessly when you’re having a long hot shower, or you’re going for a walk. When your mind wanders, even though often it feels like a waste of time, your brain is working hard to put things into perspective. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’d say ruminating on the same conversation, mistake, problem is very different when you’re not looking for solutions and like with anything else, over-doing a good thing (daydreaming ) leads to certain issues. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ However, I remember spending most of my school holidays with my cousins. We’d see each other everyday for three months straight so naturally we’d run out of things to say and do. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Because of that we wrote stories, made videos, tried to write songs, made all kinds of experiments and we came up with little business ideas that were immediately shut down by every adult around us. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Later in life, through a couple of yoga teacher trainings, meditation workshops and several books on eastern philosophy, I come back to the present moment time and time again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But there is a time and place for everything. There is a time to let boredom feed your curiosity and imagination. There is a time to look back, skip forward and then there is a time to get up and do. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But don’t let the illusion of business trick you into thinking that doing absolutely nothing is pointless and unproductive. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Being bored doesn’t make you boring, I think it makes you picky with what you choose to consume which is vital in the world we live in today ✨
If a neopet could die, I would’ve killed yours. I would’ve had your password and just enough time to micromanage my account and yours in the hour I was allotted every Thursday and Sunday to use dial up. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is if we had met when we were 12, but instead we met at a time when obsession was a little less cool and a little more underrated and because of that I haven’t been able to think of a way to almost nearly kill you so that you’d know that maybe there was indeed a bad bone in me, at least one, and you’d be the first to discover it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I didn’t let you discover many things and maybe that was part of the problem, nothing would ever seem like it was for you to call your own, but this bad bone, this would be yours. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So wildly yours I’d send it through the mail and quite possibly regret it immediately because even though I was born with an edge and a drop of manic passed down my family line for generations, I was also born with the unfortunate inability to be cool and careless. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ You knew this about me even when I said I hated the world and everyone in it. I would spend an entire night staring at the ceiling going through the same handful of thoughts in circular motion while you slept next to me grinding your teeth. Our worries would always manifest in different ways even though we swore we were the same person. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Maybe, if only I could, I’d take back every song I recommended, Every movie I said I had watched at least twice, Every book I lugged around and didn’t want to leave behind, The poetry you didn’t get and I probably only pretended to get, My most comforting foods that became yours too, And all the yoga I made you do. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Or instead, You could keep it all as I wouldn’t get the satisfaction of watching you be stripped by what would become some of your favorites too, and so it would be of no use to me. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So all I can think of is spending all your neopoints, leaving your shitty store bare and poisoning your neopet, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If we were 12. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But I’m 26 and I can’t believe I’m writing about neopets 🙃
Honesty is fingers stroking a body and finding patches of dry skin that feel rough and I feel like dying a million times over because my body isn’t my temple, it is a temple for others to worship and sometimes there isn’t enough time or will for the impeccability I’ve been taught to uphold. Honesty is a word you know well coming out of your mouth strangely and having to chuckle and apologize for it. It is squatting to pee behind a few trees and feeling the breeze between your legs and the fire from your thighs and the slight dampness on your underwear. It is the feeling of jealousy that travels the same distance your blood does. It is the tiny shock you feel when you can’t find your wallet in your bag, The bigger shock that maybe you’re not completely out of love yet. All living things are connected by their need to survive. This goes for anger, happiness, and of course, love. What differs is their reason for survival. The need to remain impeccable. For fingers to touch me, for my mind to remain blank and free of worry, a luxury only those deep in love are granted, and even then, it’s fickle. Changing, a state of being that allows for emotional laziness. Honesty, sometimes unnecessary. I scrub myself clean and even remember to soap that spot on my foot I always forget, and I’ve paid extra attention to the skin behind my ears and the place behind my knees, We are all connected by our willingness to survive, What changes is our reasoning. I’ve had big reasons and small reasons, But what is a temple with no one to worship it? What amount of scrubbing and picking and cleaning goes into a body left alone? Changing, A state that allows for less precise living. In transition, The description I’ve used to explain why I am where I am. Loneliness, A feeling I didn’t know could be described by how much attention I pay to the less useful parts of my body. Out of love, A myth. In love, Fickle. Do we ever win? Daily, but in small ways. A big reason is to see myself through this, A small reason is who I’ll call on my way home. Honesty, Knowing that the ending will feel a lot like this, But honesty is many times unnecessary.
Look, I’m 300 years late to the whole cut your fruit into cute shapes thing but I was going through the misc drawer (a drawer filled with receipts, elastic bands, ikea tools, and it’s basically everything Marie Kondo tells you not to do ) and I found little star cookie cutters. The thing about pleasure (my word of the month if you hadn’t noticed ) is that many times it’s simply about slowing the fuck down, something that doesn’t come naturally to me. Many months ago when I used to write daily emails I told a story about feeling my most crazy when I’m trying to do the simplest of things. I remember every time I left the house I had to triple check that the keys were with me and when I say triple check I mean I probably checked 10 times. The funny or maybe not so funny thing was that I was completely aware of what I was doing, so much so that I would laugh at myself for having to check once more even though the keys, obviously, hadn’t moved and I knew this. I went on a date with a musician a few weeks back and he told me that he could spend hours not thinking about anything and although I’m very sure he must have been thinking about something, thinking about only one thing is such a foreign concept to me. Last night I opened my notebook and I wrote in bed. This morning I peeled then sliced then cut my kiwifruit into little stars. On the days I go to work I might not make the time for such delicacy, but I hope that I can make the time for other sorts of pleasure. Like waking up 10 mins earlier so that I don’t rush to the train station. Or picking out some really nice lingerie to put on. Or having a dance before I get in the shower. There is always room to slow down. To some people it comes naturally and to others, like myself, we just have to get organized and write some things down before going to bed. Checking to see if I had the keys was a sign of utter chaos and a complete loss of control I had over everything around me. Maybe seeing them in my bag every time I peeked brought me a weird sense of comfort. Or maybe I was insane. Anyway, look at me now, eating starshaped kiwifruit!
Now that I’m on a roll with this whole pleasure thing I wanted to remind you how easy it is to play a song and just dance. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A lot of the messages I received from my story on sex were women feeling unsexy, unattractive and uncomfortable and I get it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Still, this makes me extremely sad and it pisses me off because FUCK, I bet these women are smart and funny and successful and SEXY AND BEAUTIFUL. FUCK, I bet I am too. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Still, I have days when I wonder why I don’t have a bigger butt, smaller tits, darker eyelashes and no pores, so I’m quite unsure as to how to get to the level of self love in which you wake up feeling fab in your body every morning. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Maybe it’s impossible for a myriad of reasons, some which are out of our control and others which are, or were, in our control but we didn’t know any better (HELLO EVERY SHITTY MAGAZINE I READ GROWING UP ). What I do know is that the more you get OUT OF YOUR HEAD, the more you can feel bloody good in your skin. And getting out of your head means, GET. MOVING. Want to feel instantly better? Move! Want to release stress? Move! Want to not kill your partner right now? Move! Want to feel sexy? Play a song and move that sweet body of yours! Dancing is probably the easiest, quickest and best way I know how to lift my mood and appreciate my body for what it is: a fantastic, creative and free thing eager to be moved. Eager to express and take up space. This is the most primal way to create art, through the body itself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And for thousands of years, this is what we’ve done, we’ve created art when confronted with inexplicable mysteries that defy our common sense, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Like, why are my tits not perky anymore? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So I play a little bit of Prince, dance in the kitchen and forget about what anything is meant to look like.
I started proactively reading on love, sex and relationships at the end of last year. I did so because I thought I knew a lot about love and then realized I didn’t quite. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Very simply put, there are two sides of love. There’s the romantic, spontaneous, tingly love that makes you do crazy things and feel a full spectrum of emotions that you swear you’ve never felt before, and then there is love as a skill. The less spontaneous kind of love that requires effort, practice and compromise. The magic spot might be somewhere in the middle. My favorite book on the topic so far has been The Course of Love. The biggest learning that I took was that love doesn’t equal ease. At least not always. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The question then becomes how much effort is too much effort to put into a relationship? How much of love is hard work and how much is it flow? This is very easy to answer in the beginning stages. You listen to their shitty music, you laugh at their average jokes and you compliment their cooking which lacks salt, flavor and honestly is a bit mushy. As we get more comfortable and learn the more important things about this new person we strangely let them get away with less, maybe because we now hold their darker bits within us and they can’t leave so easily anymore. And as the years go by we forget that love is a skill that you build on in order to provide the space for the full spectrum of tingly emotions to exist again. I bring up romantic relationships because I think this same idea applies to ourselves. There is ease and hardship in simply being a stable human. Sometimes you’ll be head over heels with yourself and other days you’ll pick yourself apart incessantly. You’ll wonder how much work is too much work and how much time is too much time spent dealing with your shit. But hopefully, like you would with a partner, you open up, compassionate (! ), conversation with yourself. I might not know when the hardship stops being worthwhile in a partnership but I know it’s always worthwhile with yourself. It requires practice, effort and a lot of compromise to feel the romantic, tingly, overwhelming kind of love for yourself. 6/30 #readacaptionwriteacaption
Self-care on Instagram is 98% bullshit and I’m sorry if I’ve ever perpetuated that. From face masks to jade rollers to collagen to go get a massage, sauna, cryo you deserve it! You probably do deserve it, we all deserve to feel good, but the question we should be asking is ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What will this really solve? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And yes, sometimes all you need is a night in a sauna to sweat it out, not that I’ve done that recently, but it looks tempting. However, that is a once every couple of months treat. Maybe we need a self-care checklist. Every time you see a woman in a bathtub or a sauna or me sipping on a weird tea, you ask yourself, Do I really need this? Will this add value to my life? Does this align with who I am? Is this going to help me get to the bottom of my money-work-feelings-relationship-body issue? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Scrolling on social media makes me feel like my life is falling apart because I don’t have time to buy flowers, fill up a bathtub and then put said flowers in hot water to simmer with me as the candle flickers and the incense burns and I got the photo but I still feel sad. As Audre Lorde said, taking care of yourself is about preservation. It’s about preserving your energy, mental and emotional, to be able to do the things you want to do. It’s about protecting your weirdness in a world that is constantly pushing you to be bland. It’s about being proud that you are indeed a bit freaky. It’s about saying NOPE when everyone wants you to say yes. It’s about being resilient with your dreams and goals. It’s understanding that self-care, many times, is corny and simultaneously really hard and painful. It’s tough because it’s ongoing. It’s not the one time you decide to buy yourself a nice dress or get yourself that pizza you’ve been craving, It’s the smaller, less photographic moments. It’s setting the alarm 5minutes early because 5minutes tending to yourself is better than none. Self-care is a form of self-respect not only for your current self but for your future self. How can you set up today to make your future-self feel more at ease? Maybe it’s a conscious yes to one thing, a conscious no to another.
You know what has nothing to do with this photo? Sex. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ But watch me make it about sex. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ About pleasure, about finding everything you need within yourself. About being a woman not ashamed of enjoyment. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ About pleasure, about finding ways others can compliment you. About being a woman not ashamed of enjoyment without commitment. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I wish I knew early on that my role was not to bend over backwards, in ways that didn’t suit me, for someone else. I wish I knew my role was as equal to that of the person I was with. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ My enjoyment isn’t a lucky bonus, my enjoyment is the purpose. To realize this in my most intimate moments, I must realize this in my day to day life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It shouldn’t take years to reach this conclusion. It shouldn’t take a dozen shitty lays. It should be a given. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If I were to ever make a list of all things I’ve been made to believe I must be embarrassed about, I’d run out of ink. And by the time I ran out of ink I wouldn’t even have finished listing everything to do with sex. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ From my toes, to my tits, to the hair on my body, What I’m into, what I’m not, What I say, what I don’t, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ At this age I feel comfortable asking for what I need, But I don’t believe it is something that we should have to work towards, It should be a given. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A very short list of (should be ) givens: Multiple female orgasms Masturbation Finding yourself sexy Saying no Being not into it Being extremely into it Asking for more Asking for less Talking about it, all of it Having a one night stand Hating one night stands ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ Whether you find pleasure in reading a good book, going out for dinner, having sex, masturbating, buying a dress or all of the above, ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It matters, It 100% matters. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Ask for what you need (from yourself and/or your partner or whomever you’re getting sexy with ) Explore and find what works, Pleasure is your birthright, not just some conditional gift to be opened only when the stars align. 4/30 #readacaptionwriteacaption
The moon is out and it laughs at me from far away. From far away I look like something as inconsequential as a scribble on the corner of a page otherwise left blank. But not even. I rest my cheek on my arm and wonder how many times, when my mind wanders and lands on you, has your mind wandered and landed on me. You might think of a day we spent eight hours in the car and I might think of a day we spent eight hours on a bike, our bums so sore, our legs so tired, a thing we’d only do once. When I think of inconsequential things my mind goes momentarily blank. I am a romantic seeking connection in the dullest of moments and I’m aware it often makes me seem naïve. Worse, egotistical. Like the world is constantly bending over my shoulder pointing out what I would otherwise not see. I live under the Sydney flight path and at first I thought I’d never have a good night sleep again but by day five I was in a deep slumber with my window wide open and my ear plugs on my bedside table. Hanging out my washing on the only day it didn’t rain that week I counted three planes flying over me and I wish I knew how many people were sitting in each one. Maybe that is inconsequential. Still, to think I’m not even visible that high up in the sky concerns me. It reinforces the fact that everything carries on. It carries on with or without the person who trusted me so fully to tell me the darkest thought that their mind landed on as if it mattered. It carries on as I sit here writing and it carries on if I don’t. Inconsequential is whether or not your mind runs towards the face I made when we said goodbye, or if it runs away from the possibility of a life in which we come back to each other, but differently. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The moon is out and it laughs at me and suddenly I chuckle too. Maybe it all matters and maybe none of it does. As long as I’m laughing and on my way home, humble enough to recognize I’m small from some angles but wise to enough to know I’m big from others, I’ll carry on. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Whether or not we land on the same thought like we always used to, It all carries on. 3/30 #readacaptionwriteacaption
Until I feel as comfortable talking about depression as I do about having a tooth ache, the discussion won’t stop. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For the most part I feel quite alright letting people know it’s something I’ve dealt with for the longest time, but there’s a part of me, especially when I share it online, that feels a little insecure. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I imagine people I know and don’t know that have never had to deal with the unfathomable feeling of not wanting to get out of bed, for no reason they can pinpoint, and it bothers me. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It bothers me because it makes me feel like I’m made of something weaker. Something that needs to be constantly looked after in a way most people don’t ever have to think about. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ve been on medication and off medication and I made the decision a few years back that if I could manage my mood without medication, I would, and if for some reason I couldn’t then I’d reassess and be open to medication again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This is why I go on and on about morning routines, journaling, herbs and teas. This is why I got so heavily into spirituality, yoga and meditation. This is why I focus on eating plant-based foods. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I can see very clearly how these big and small changes, done consistently, have helped me but I can’t say it will solve the issue always because I do get bouts and I still get days when the indifference, the lack of motivation and the creeping sadness keeps me in bed. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Even after a yoga flow, a green smoothie and a 20min meditation. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It sucks. But I take it day by day. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And just like a guy with a sudden toothache on a Tuesday, I take it a bit slower when I’m feeling low. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Take care of yourself, You’re not made of something weaker but a little gentle loving on the days that you swear you must be, never hurt anyone.
A papaya to remind me of home 🌞
Last year I stopped waiting. This year I’m not breaking the tradition. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m going to movies, concerts, coffee dates, night classes and dinners on my own 🍧 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I used to think it was kind of sad until I found myself dancing to my favorite song, with my eyes closed having the best time at a concert last Friday. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m more conscious now of my reaction when I see someone having dinner on their own or going to a movie with no partner on a Thursday night. My immediate thought was always: I wish they had some company. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I hope no one ever thinks that of me because how mistaken they would be. I can take my time, put my nose in a book, decide last minute to go somewhere else. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ve always done things on my own but always shied away from doing things on my own in public. Almost like these delights of eating out, listening to live music or going for a dance were reserved only for those who had managed to miraculously sync up their schedules. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The things we miss out on because we think we’re not enough company. The things we miss out on because we are under the constant impression we’re incomplete. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’d be happy if you joined me, but if you don’t I’m just as happy. This was not a feeling that came naturally, it was something that came out of repetition. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Is there anything you’ve avoided doing because you’re waiting for someone to join you? Or is there something you’ve done recently on your own that you really enjoyed? Lets inspire each other to do shit alone! 🌞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I avoided traveling for so long because I was scared of doing it on my own. Packing my bags and going for it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
Good looking fruit everyday thank you.
A green thing and a book is a good way to start the day.
I like to imagine us, a lot older than we are today, in a wooden house, under a big grey cloud in the middle of the quietest and loudest part of the city. I’d go for walks alone in the morning, you’d go for ones at night and we’d always meet at our favourite café, take out our books and enjoy the best bit about our friendship: quiet, effortless, company. And then, what I would suggest is a very close second to the best bit of our friendship, we’d laugh uncontrollably, mostly at our own misfortune but also at anything else. This might be the only place we know to have no boundaries and what a relief that is. When you said your jaw would always hurt after our calls I meant to say my belly always aches. I meant to say I feel like the luckiest person on earth to have met you so easily, as if, there was no other way it could have been. Apart from the ridiculously large Frida Kahlo book you took on our first rainy fieldtrip to Rangitoto, there was no other way it could have been. I always like to think we were companions in another life. Maybe sea creatures or maybe something else. Maybe something funnier. Maybe we’ve had many lives together and in each one I felt just as lucky to have found you. I love you. I love you because I can always bring the most extreme parts of my personality to you without ever having to explain myself. Thank you for knowing when I need silence and when I need a stage and an audience to practice my best comedy bits. Thank you for picking up the phone, thank you for always being on my side, thank you for letting me know when I’ve screwed up because you are always on my side, and thank you for being forgiving every time. I am in awe of you always and I’ll never get tired of letting you know 🦌
Que no se nos olvide que tenemos todo para sentirnos mejor. Una pequeña secuencia de yoga, dos minutos de baile intenso, un ratito bajo el sol respirando profundo. Cosas pequeñas y gratis, que usualmente podemos hacer a cualquier hora del día. Pero que tampoco se nos olvide que sentirnos mal no es el fin del mundo. Hay días de días. Hay días en los que sabemos lo que tenemos que hacer para sentirnos mejor y aún así no lo hacemos. Esto de que tenemos días malos para apreciar los buenos, púes a veces me choca un poco. Tenemos días malos al igual que tenemos días buenos y a veces los días malos no tienen explicación. Me encanta todo este movimiento de mente positiva, pero a veces me pregunto si nos estamos yendo al otro extremo. Tips de motivación, que hacer cuando estamos tristes, que té me va poner feliz YA, ayyyy. Sí, confieso que amo todo lo que tenga que ver con motivación, productividad y pequeños rituales que me hagan sentir más a gusto. Son cosas que tuve que aprender para poder lidiar con mi depresión. Junto a eso tuve que aprender, también, que a veces no tengo la gana de hacerme sentir mejor. A veces, todo lo que quiero hacer, es sentir la maldita tristeza, quedarme en cama, no hacer nada y saber que lo que está siempre disponible (mi yoga por ejemplo ) estará ahí mañana. Espero que toda esta positividad no resulte en una incomodidad más severa con la tristeza. O, que empecemos a pensar, que la tristeza es lo opuesto a la felicidad. Que error más grande. Creo que cuando el amor propio es real, podemos tratarnos con gentileza y compasión estando tristes o felices, motivados o sin ganas. No siempre hay que poner las cosas en perspectiva. Digo esto por que cuando un amigo viene a nosotros con un problema, escuchemos. No tratemos de arreglar todo instantáneamente. No tratemos de buscar el lado positivo o el mensaje oculto. Al menos no al principio. De experiencia, cuando me siento triste lo que quiero es que me reconozcan. Rápido me doy cuenta que lo que quiero en otra gente y lo que también doy a mis amigos y a mi famila es lo que merezco darme a mi misma. Un reconocimiento que a veces la vida quita y a veces da, y sentiré de todo un poco.