Guys these days be like damn I’m so jealous of the guy that gets to marry you and I be like okay.... but I thought it could be you and then they ghost you idk.
Moral and values are cool but so is a Gucci bag and a vacation to Mykonos 🤔🤔🤔🤔
My sister would be like everyone GTFO NOW!!!!!
Asking for when I’m a parent......
Asking got a friend. That friend is me.
What do you think?? 👇🏻
Lollolol my dad told me he wanted a son and was disappointed to find out he got a daughter. Lmao I win! Hahahahahah
Guys love acting super tough like they didn’t ask you to hold them like a baby and put a finger up their bum. 🤫🕺🏼
Yesterday I learned that it’s a bad idea to mix tequila with vodka 🙃🤢 How was your Labor Day weekend?
*takes pic and sends to group chat* *friend in the group chat finds his Instagram handle in less than 5 min* *boom it’s official we’re together... well I friend requested him on Instagram but like basically....* ( @drinksforgayz )
Crazy girlfriends are the best! you never know if she’s about to steal ur wallet n stab u in ur sleep or cook you breakfast with a side of morning head. They really know how to keep ya on ur toes eyyy WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!! : ): )
I like to play this game called “how long can I not shower before my coworkers start to notice....” 🤣 dry shampoo solves everything idk don’t @ me.
Comment the center of attention in ur crew 👇🏻🕺🏼 and tune in TONIGHT for the #vmas at 8/7c on @mtv
When ur life is falling apart so you book a flight to run away so now ur life can keep falling apart but on vacation : )
My friends are basically all raging alcoholics, lol it's always a party with them and I'm ok with it. 👯🍷
And stealing their clothes : )
When someone repeats themselves 5 times and you still have no idea what the fook they said so you just awkwardly smile and nod...
When your head says no but your vagina says bish stop playing let’s gooooooo 🤷🏼♀️
OBVI. One for morning, one for night, one for Taco Bell.
Murph is a good boy 😩😩 I wanna be a good boy too
I’ll call you crying even without an emergency lol guess I’m a REALLY good friend then........ 🤡🤡
Idk about all that lol but my fav salad is Thai chicken salad... what’s yours?
I’ve been told that offices purposely keep a cold temperature in order to keep employees awake. Lol T/F?
Tag a romantic 🥰
Sometimes I get so lost in my thoughts that I’m like holy shit im still driving...!?!
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been traumatised by a 9-5 job instead of pursuing your life long dream of selling feet pics on Craigslist bc of “morals”